Little Miller-isms

It's no secret that I love the TV show House.  If you have ever explored the website for the TV show, they have compiled a list of House-isms, that is, quotes/sayings that reflect the sarcastic, witty, in-your-face nature of Dr. House.  My son said several sweet/funny things tonight so I thought for this blog post I would compile a list of Miller-isms courtesy of my 3 year old son.

1.  I asked my son this afternoon, since he was still asleep when I left for work this morning, "What time did you get up today?".  He said, "Ummm... 80 o'clock." 

2.  We have been going down to the park to watch the girls varsity softball team play when they have home games.  My son has grown up around the softball girls and seems to feel pretty comfortable around them.  He started talking about some girl today.  I said, "Who is that?" (referring to the girl).  He said, "One of the softball girls" (or girlers as he says).  I asked, "Do you like her?".  He said, "Yes".  When I asked him why, he said, "Because she has pretty hair."

3.  Tonight was bath night in the Miller household.  My son was busy soaping/washing himself.  He had just finishing soaping his behind when he farted.  Then he asked, "Did I fart all the soap off my butt?".

Sincerely,
The-M-O-M

Help Wanted: The Ignorant Need Not Apply

Help Wanted:  Someone who can write reviews online for products they have purchased.  The reviews must contain useful information and be generally helpful to those interested in buying the product.  The Ignorant Need Not Apply.  You might be ignorant if you have done any of the following while writing a review for a product:

1.  Given the product a poor rating because it was damaged during shipping.  I realize that one might be frustrated in this scenario because now they have to go through the hassle of returning the damaged one and getting a new one.  But it's the risk you run when you buy online.  Unless the company who made the product hand delivered the product to your door, and thus the damaged product is a direct reflection of that company, you should not be leaving a bad review for this reason.  Complain to your hubby, your bestie, your mommy, or even take to your blog and complain to your bloggies (I totally just made that up, think groupie, without the sexual undertone, but for bloggers), but please don't complain about it in your review.

2.  Given the product a poor rating because you received the wrong color of the item you ordered.  Mistakes happen.  So unless you send the first one back and the second is still the wrong color (which may signal an issue), I don't think it's worth mentioning.  Refer to number 1 as to what you should do with your complaints.

3.  Given the product a poor rating because you claim the description of the item differs in some way from the item you received.  Before you claim that certain things were missing, perhaps you should go back and read the description to make sure that it is explicitly stated that you are going to receive what you think you should.  Just because you think something should come with the hardware needed for installation, for instance, doesn't mean that it actually comes with it.  And you know what happens when you assume things. So before you make yourself look silly and post something about how the product wasn't accurately described, go back and reread the item description.  Nine times out of ten, people just don't read things carefully enough.

4.  Given a product a good rating even though you haven't used it yet.  A review is not the place to talk about how excited you are that you received the product you ordered.  I am happy for you, really.  I know the joy of opening the box of something you have been waiting for.  But seriously, sharing your joy with others is just plain silly, and not the least bit helpful.  Refer to number 1 to see who you should share your joy with.

If you have done any (or all) of these things, please refrain from ever writing a review again so that I no longer have to waste my time sifting through reviews.  A little commonsense goes a long way...

Sincerely,
The Annoyed Online Shopper

Greasy Cups

Anthony and I came to an understanding this year and we decided against his coaching softball again.  But we still know a lot of the girls well and like to get out and see some of their home games.  Our local grocery store sent over some Reese's Cups to hand out to the girls after the a home game this past week.  There were a bunch left over so they gave one to Anthony and one to my son.  Anthony ate his immediately.  They are by far his favorite candy bar.  My son, on the other hand, was busy helping his uncle Marcus rake the field, so we told him he could have his later.

Two days later after dinner, Anthony was raiding the kids remaining Easter candy trying to score some goodies.  He didn't find anything that he liked, but noticed that we hadn't given our son his Reese's cups yet.  So Anthony said to our son, "Do you want to split this with me?", holding the Reese's cup in the air for our son to see.  Our son nodded his head and sat their with a big smile on his face in anticipation of the peanut-butter-chocolaty goodness coming his way. 

I couldn't help but laugh at Anthony and his cleverness, remembering only a day earlier Anthony laughing at me for biting those Whopper Robin eggs in half and giving one half to our daughter while I ate the other.  In my defense, she can't bite into a whole one without a reasonable risk of choking, but can handle half of one just fine.  So if I'm going to bite them in half for her, I may as well eat one of the halves...just sayin'...

Anthony gave our son one of the Reese's cups out of the package and then set the other one in front of himself.  Then he said, "One for you, and one for daddy."

Our son sat their for a moment, in deep thought, and then said, "No, they are both mine.  They gave me that whole thing (pointing to the wrapper) and there are two in there so I should have two."

Anthony said, "But don't you want to share with daddy?"

Our son said no matter of factly and then waited for Anthony to fork over the other Reese's cup. 

Anthony and I got to talking about how smart he is and about how good his memory is.  We couldn't have been talking for more than 30-45 seconds when we looked back and saw that both Reese's cups were gone.  He must have inhaled them.

Then Anthony said, "You didn't even save the last bite for Daddy?".  Our son shook his head no as he sat there and licked every last bit of chocolate of his fingers.

When he was done he yelled, "More greasy cups, more greasy cups!".

We both laughed.  This is not the first time he has referred to them as "greasy cups".  We tried to get him to say it the right way, but to no avail. 

You know, they would be a lot less tempting if they were called "Greasy Cups"!

Sincerely,
The-M-O-M

Minute To Win It

So about a month back, Anthony and I were keeping ourselves busy going through the ridiculously large amount of stuff that Anthony had saved from his childhood.  It had been sitting in Anthony's parents attic and we thought we should finally go through all of it.

One thing you should know about Anthony and I is that we are both seriously goofy.  Not many people would know that about us, since we tend to be more reserved in a group setting.  But around each other, we are a couple of goofballs.  So much so that both of us are convinced that had we not found each other, we would still be alone because no one else would understand our goofiness.  We are made for each other.  :)  (But that's enough of this mushy talk.)

Anyway, we were looking at all this stuff trying to determine if it was something we wanted to let the kids play with or give away (or throw away).  This little basketball net that I am modeling in the picture above, we had intended on keeping.  Our son seemed interested in it so we just figured he could have it to play with.  Then we were sitting there and thought, "Does this thing even stick to the wall anymore?".  Well, the answer would be no.  So it ended up in the trash pile.

After sitting there going through stuff for over an hour, I started to think that gouging my eye out with a fork sounded like more fun than doing what we were doing.  A bit over dramatic, I know, but that's how bored I was.  The only thing that kept me going was the desire to get all of the stuff out of the living room.

I was completely exhausted, and starting to get the case of the giggles, which is what happens to me when I get overtired.  Then this hilarious (at least to me) idea popped into me head.  I took the basketball hoop and stuck it to my forehead.  I began laughing uncontrollably, even though it really wasn't that funny.  I looked at Anthony and said, "Look!  It works!".

He smiled and replied, "If you leave that thing stuck to your forehead it's going to look like you have a giant hickie on your face."

He had a point, though I don't think that thing had good enough suction to leave any sort of a mark.  Regardless, I figured I had better remove the thing.  Before I did though, I had him snap a picture for memory's sake.

Then I got to thinking, I should submit this to Minute to Win It for a game.  Sometimes they do shows where a team or couple competes.  One person could stand with his back turned to the person with the hoop stuck to their forehead.  Then the person with their back turned can throw balls over their shoulder for the other person to catch in the hoop.  How cool would that be?  I know, I have way to much time on my hands if this is what I sit around thinking about.

Sincerely,
The Goofball



A Tale Of Two Bunnies

One Bunny, Two Bunny

Happy Bunny, Blue Bunny

This past Saturday we ventured out to the Bunny Trail.  It's an event put on by local businesses.  Think trick-or-treating with an Easter theme.  We had initially planned on going to the bunny trail after the kids had lunch.  But, we had a late breakfast and happened to be out and about at the time the bunny trail started, so we decided to go their first.

What used to be a small event has turned into something that nearly 1,000 people show up to.  The line was long but the kids were patient and well behaved while we waited to start the "trail".  Both of the kids were having a good time, but on the last part of the trail the traffic became "clogged" so to speak and it was very slow moving through this area.  Making matters worse, my son could see up ahead that one of the area businesses was handing out balloons and he was determined to make it there in a hurry.  The kids were becoming increasingly tired, hungry, and impatient.  Not a great combination.

At the third to last table that was set up, my son who was looking at a bunny in a cage on the floor, pinched his finger in the cage (because he didn't listen to Anthony's repeated requests to stop messing with it).  This started the meltdown of all meltdowns.  Despite our attempts to get him to calm down, he was inconsolable.  The tiredness and hunger building within him made what should have been a very small thing into a really big deal.Needless to say, we had to leave out of one of the back entrances as we didn't want to drag him screaming through a crowd of people to the main entrance. 

I had planned on taking a picture of the two of them with their bunny faces they had painted at the bunny trail, but I figured I had better do it as soon as we got home before his tears washed anymore of it away.  So that's why in this picture you have one very, very sad bunny, and one bunny totally excited about her bunny face.

Later in the day, I showed my son this picture.  I pointed to him and said "sad bunny" and then pointed to my daughter and said "happy bunny".  I said it a few times, and my son started cracking up.  For whatever reason, this was hilarious. 

I definitely don't care to experience meltdowns like the one we did and I don't particularly care to remember it, but at least it produced a totally cute photo!

Sincerely,
The-M-O-M

He Who Passes Gas Laughs Hardest

If you have been following my blog for very long, you know that nothing is off limits.  That's right, not even gas.  So, just as fair warning, if you are uncomfortable with the discussion of such things, then perhaps this is not the post for you.  Just saying...

I once read an article in Parents magazine called something like "The Big Little Moments".  It was all about little moments that seem inconsequential at the time, but end up being a memory you hold onto for a life time.  Once of them was the last time you nurse your baby.  Once was when your child gives up their cute little mispoken words.  For instance, when my son was little, he used to call chocolate milk "mog-a-mil".  It was so cute the way he said it incorrectly.  Then one day he woke up, started saying chocolate milk, and "mog-a-mil" became nothing but a memory.

Another thing on the list was the first time your kid truly laughs at something.  This doesn't mean the first time your baby laughs, ofcourse you remember that.  It has more to do with kids developing a sense of humor and understanding what is funny.  I remember this one time we watched America's Funniest Home Videos with my son.  It is a Sunday night tradition in this house.  I am not the laugh out loud kind of person but that show makes me crack up.  We were sitting there watching the show, and something happened in one of the videos that was really funny and my son started cracking up uncontrollably.  It is something I remember, just like the article said I would.

So the other morning, I was getting ready for work.  My daughter was in the bathroom with me as usual.  I do this because I still don't trust her out on her own in the living room with my son.  This way I can keep an eye on her.  She's playing on the floor and gets this looks on her face and then sits on my sons training potty.  This is nothing unusual, she does this a lot.  I think it makes her feel like a big girl.  Then she let out this insanely loud, rumbly, juicy sounding (sorry for the graphic description, but it was the kind that made you wonder if it wasn't more than just gas) fart (yes, I said fart).  Then she peeks around the vanity at me and with this big smiles on her face, she cracks up! 

Now, usually I'm not one to sit around laughing at people passing gas.  It's just not my kind of humor.  I'm more interested in getting the kids to say "excuse me" after they do that so they don't embarass me.  BUT, the way she laughed, truly laughed at that, like she just knew that was seriously funny, made me crack up.  And then later on I thought, that was her first true laugh.

My little girl is developing a sense of humor.  Albeit not the most refined sense of humor, but a sense of humor none the less.  She is gettting so big!

Sincerely,
The No Holds Bar Mother

Solution To: Don't Forget To Tip Your Blogger

So, we are just going to pretend today is Sunday since I obviously forgot to post the answer like I said I would!

Here was the original problem:

How many different tips are possible if you plan to use exactly three coins, and you have a penny, nickel, dime, quarter, and half-dollar available?

Here is the solution:

There are 10 possible tips.  Here is a list of all possibilities using P, N, D, Q, and H for penny, nickel, dime, quarter, and half dollar, respectively.

PND, PNQ, PNH, PDQ, PDH, PQH, NDQ, NDH, NQH, QDH

See you next week!
Sincerely,
The Math Freak