I have a serious confession to make. Some of you may be blown away by this, in complete disbelief, and think I am a terrible person for this confession, but let me say up front that it is safe to assume on my part that you don't have children if that's what you think of me. Here it goes: I don't enjoy every minute I spend with my children. There. I said it. And I feel much better for having said it.
The last couple of months have been exhausting and the last few weeks with two sick kids have been particularly treacherous. I found myself spending most of the day counting the minutes until bedtime. But a funny thing would happen, once bedtime rolled around, and I sat down in the rocking chair with my daughter to rock her to sleep, I suddenly would realize that it was the first quality moment all day that I really enjoyed with her. As I would sit in the rocking chair, breathing in her baby smell, feeling her warm breath against my cheek, stroking her fine, soft hair, I would feel so incredibly guilty. I would feel guilty that I wished my entire day with them away and didn't enjoy every single second I spent with them. What's worse is I had to relive the exact same feeling an hour later when my son went to bed.
If you are a mother of young children, I'm sure you've been told more than a few times or read more than a few times that you should be sure to enjoy every minute with them because it goes by so fast. I know somebody who has been known to say, "I enjoy every minute with my children, even being up with them in the middle of the night." I'm sorry, I just don't buy that. I just don't see how it is possible to enjoy every minute with your kids, especially the minutes you spend with them in the middle of the night. I'm not ashamed to say that I would rather be sleeping.
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids, and I love being a parent. But I can't honestly say that I enjoyed spending two weeks with my kids where they cried nonstop because they were miserable. I can't say that I enjoy the temper tantrums my daughter throws the instant she doesn't get something she wants or the stretches of time where my son suddenly acts as though God didn't give him ears and therefore he doesn't need to listen.
I scrapbook as a hobby. Looking back at the scrapbooks I have made, I am so glad that I took the time to do it. But I wouldn't dare sit here and tell you that I enjoyed every single minute of scrapbooking. It can be time consuming, tedious, and frustrating, but the end result is worth it. Clearly I love my husband, but I wouldn't dare tell you that I have enjoyed every single second of everyday that I have spent with him. I doubt any married person would say that. So why are you considered a terrible parent if you don't "enjoy every minute" with your kids?
It's a lot of pressure being told to enjoy every minute with your kids as a new parent, because when you fail to do this (which will most certainly happen) you will feel guilty. You will feel like you are a failure or like you aren't doing something right. I should know, I have been there. Anthony would tell me (as he does often) that I put by far to much pressure on myself. My response to that would be, "but every one says 'enjoy every minute. Make very minute memorable.' If I don't do that, I'm a failure." But let's get real. Let's stop sugar coating things here. Let's not be afraid to admit that parenting is hard, harder than most of us probably imagined. Let's not be afraid to admit that we don't enjoy every second of everyday with our kids. And let me be the first to say that it's OK to feel that way. Once you tell yourself that, you will instantly feel better.
Some of you will probably walk away from reading this and think I'm terrible. That I'm being really negative. That maybe I shouldn't be raising children at all. I have to admit that sometimes I feel like I can hardly handle the two I have, so why do I want another one? But I also remind myself that this job is really hard. Not every moment is going to be enjoyable. However, everyday holds those special moments, those moments that seem to make time stand still, that make parenting so worth it. Those are the moments captured by pictures or video that I look back at from time to time and cherish. Those are the moments that I cling to longingly, that make me want another baby. Those are the moments that I DO enjoy with my kids.
I was going through a really rough time during the two weeks my kids were sick. I wasn't doing much "enjoying". I mostly just felt guilty. And then a friend sent me this article, Don't Carpe Diem. It echoed exactly what I had been feeling and thinking. It made me feel validated. It made me feel normal. Most importantly, it helped me let go of my guilt. So if you need a boost, go ahead and read the article. It is a bit lengthy, but it is a really great article and so worth the time if you are feeling like I felt.
Sincerely,
The (Not So) Guilty Mom
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